Erin's Essentials For Marriage: In Sickness And In Health

I stepped into the water and it felt amazing! The waves were slapping against my legs. I saw my husband was chest deep and that looked like even more fun! So I battled the waves to get to him. All of the sudden, a huge wave smacked me right in the face. I went under. When I stood up, I was facing the beach. Bad idea, Erin. Very bad.

Another wave hit me from behind. Totally not fair! My balance and footing was off and I didn’t have any sense of up or down. I don’t remember how many times I went under...or how much salty water I sucked into my lungs, but it all seemed to move in slow motion. And I thought two things:

1. I’m going to die in thigh high water. (How embarrassing.)

2. I’m tired of my suffering. So just lie down and allow the water to fill your lungs.

Something inside of me kept screaming, “Stay down! You have had enough! Give up!” But I didn’t. I screamed, “Help!”. That's when my husband came to the rescue. He saw me struggling and choking. Thankfully, he was already attempting to get to me.

True story. Great analogy. Chronic illness can knock you off of your feet, make you feel like you don't know which way is up, choke the life out of you...and it can leave your spouse continually fighting against the waves to help you. Exhaustion will set in if we are not intentional.

Here are a few essentials for keeping your spouse...your caregiver...your other half from becoming too weary of the waves.

Essential #1 - Let Them Go!

Your spouse is bound to get exhausted. Let him/her leave for some much needed "me time." My husband likes to take a ride on his motorcycle. Or sometimes just having a day alone in the house...with peace and quiet helps him to become rested and ready to take on more. Enlist a friend to come and help you for the afternoon so that your spouse can go do something they enjoy.

Essential #2 - It's A Date!

With sickness. scheduling might be hard, but try to set time aside for just the two of you. Maybe it is simply watching a movie together. Take a walk and hold hands. Ride over to the ice cream store. Reminisce. Make it a point during this time to not discuss problems or your illness.

"Having a chronic illness means struggling to get back up every time a wave knocks you down. The benefit of having a great spouse is that they will help you do this. You are in the tumultuous waves together." – Pastor Erin Canter

Essential #3 - Communicate!

I cannot stress this enough. Your spouse cannot read your mind. It's true. If you need something or you are not getting the type of support that you need, speak up. Recognize signs that your spouse is feeling overwhelmed and be proactive. Open up about concerns and find ways to make life easier for both of you.

Essential #4 - Keep It Organized!

How organized is your living space? How about your life? Keeping things straight can make a world of difference. My husband has a running joke about me moving things around. "Where did you put it today?" The truth is that I try to cut down on clutter and keep things somewhat organized. Plan ahead and prepare for those days that your spouse needs to step into your role.

Essential #5 - Use Positive Words

Finally, lose the negativity. This applies to discussions about illness. I have been so guilty. My husband doesn't need a play by play of my sickness. He is very much aware of my day to day struggles. Be grateful for your spouse in both word and deed.

Try These Essentials!

Having a marriage with illness involved can be taxing. Your spouse is one with you, suffering when you suffer. We know our spouse better than anyone. Learn to see the signs of exhaustion or frustration and stay on top of it. These essentials can benefit any marriage. Subscribe for more of my Christian writings and essentials.